1. |
chlorophyll
01:42
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we were walking to the bus and yr shoes were fucked up so i tied them for you and we missed it
i was taking you home and you pulled on my clothes and said you don’t wanna go
we went a long way just to turn around and go back home
you can sleep next to me i suppose
i was justified when i was fucking fried and metamorphosizing into something i don’t know
burning holes in the fabric of my clothes
and now i’m blasting cigs outside the shred and talking to no one
but it’s just that i don’t know anyone here yet
and i hope you’re right
this won’t be all my life
and when i looked into the stars they weren’t the same
without you standing in the way
it’s been taking so long
i’ve been taking zoloft
and there’s important things i meant to say
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2. |
cig phase
01:46
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i don’t care if smoking cigs is fucking up my estrogen
i look cool
and she said that shit’ll kill you while facing a thc pen
which is probably also full of stuff that’s bad
and i’m so fucking sad
i’ll never be yr girl
i’ll never stop smoking cigarettes
cause you really need a second when yr this fucking depressed
it doesn’t matter what i wear
the smell hangs in my hair
and i’ll never forget the time we shared
outside at night when we were looking cool
and i don’t care if being lonely eats me up inside
i feel good
and she said you have to face the day and all yr strong emotions
but i think she was talking on the phone
cause when i graduated i was high and hiding in my basement
getting cooked to walk to work
and waiting on some ouija board to move
and off some selfish kind of love
i painted pictures in my blood of us together
and now i’m normal and i never think of you
i’ll never be yr girl
i figure i’m lying
i’ll never be happier than when i’m slowly dying
i am lying horizontal on my bed and feeling awful
blasting cigs and wondering why i ever wanted to be anybody else
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3. |
my potential
00:52
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fell asleep in yr shower standing up
to perfect lines by the promise ring
washed the red out of my hair
the hierophant
the moon
inverted three of wands
and maybe next year when you settle down you’ll answer when i call
my potential
“blow blow me out i am so sad i don’t know why”
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4. |
boat song
01:09
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aching home
sinking stone
i’m so alone
and everybody’s looking right at me
restless change
blue sea, blue sky
and when i die
i’ll fade like a dream
no end in sight
pace all day
wait all night
i anchor pain
god-given shame
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5. |
emissary from hell
00:54
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winning therapy
and dying of cigarettes
pulling myself together
for 43 days and six hours
i guess they didn’t
shut down the government
cause i got the scratch
fine!
i need to fuck off for a while
i’ll clean up yr floor for the black bile i am spitting straight at you
it seems i drank away the day again
i thought today would be the end
i thought today would be the end
and no bright future’s making eyes at me
i take key bumps from the driver’s seat on I-94
and call me tomorrow
if i’m here i’ll pick up
but i’ve been doing better and you don’t give a fuck
it’s just i only ever think about death and dying
lying facedown on the floor getting rug stains on my crying
getting high in the lurch + never going to work
a new position for service
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6. |
song for nik + jen
01:26
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winter bites back but i’m staying warm
trashing my art and lying on the floor
it’s a little more than i bargained for
than that jell-o and a bass guitar
and the old tv that hurt our eyes
ain't it funny how things die
tore it down
i don’t see you around
this too shall pass you told me that
remember when you told me that
lying on yr couch
maybe i want out
and maybe the only thing keeping me here is long gone
push it down
and get out of town
push it down
and we can never go back again
(i <3 you nik and jen)
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gay cousin Chicago, Illinois
transsexual losercore pioneer (she + her)
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